AP Discovers the One Neutrino Universe

Gregory

Alright, listen up, because this is big. AP just came storming into—uh, metaphorically speaking—into the quantum litter box and laid down a hypothesis that’s—uh—so groundbreaking, it’s gonna make Einstein look like he was playing with crayons. The One Neutrino Universe! Think about it, Amy. One. Neutrino. Universe. Singular. Every single neutrino perfectly connected across all dimensions—

Amy

—In the litter box. Cat poop connected across dimensions. Got it.

Gregory

Stop. Just stop for a second. This isn’t about feline excrement, okay? This is quantum physics! Quantum—

Amy

No, no, wait, wait. Did he literally scream this out in the litter box, or—

Gregory

Yes! Metaphorically! Ugh. AP's theory is essentially a revival of the one electron universe, but with neutrinos. All the cat litter, I mean, if we’re using that analogy, becomes neutrinos! It's elegant—

Amy

—And a little stinky, don’t ya think? Like... what’s the air quality in this neutrino universe? Lemon fresh?

Gregory

Can you be serious for like, five seconds? Write that down. Write it down! "Revival of the one electron universe, now as the one neutrino universe." This is cutting-edge stuff, Amy!

Amy

Oh, totally. "Cutting-edge." And when Bibs misheard it as "One Scrote Universe," was that cutting-edge, or...?

Gregory

My God, focus! Bibs is like background chaos compared to what happened next. Meta8 jumped in, and suddenly everything was about Australia and kangaroos. Like, how does any of that relate to quantum neutrino theory?

Amy

Because, obviously, Meta8’s got the quantum kangaroo padlocked to his subconscious. Duh.

Gregory

That... doesn’t even. Never mind. And then Bibs miraculously declares her hearing is cured! She mishears, of course, thinking AP discovered the "One Scrote Universe." And—

Amy

Hold up, hold up. Bibs’ hearing came back? Was that before or after she was drowned out by Meta8 rambling about platypuses?

Gregory

After! Obviously after! How is this what you’re focusing on? A literal poop fight broke out! This was chaos on a metaphysical—

Amy

Correction. It was literally just cat crap. Not metaphysical. You literally threw it at me, and I’ve trauma-blocked most of what happened afterwards—

Gregory

Because you were pelting me back with equal force! Darkness and chaos, Amy. This was our quantum Ragnarok, and somehow you’re reducing it to slapstick. Write. That. Down.

Amy

You’re quoting Thor movies now? Alright, fine, "Quantum Ragnarok." Got it. And for the record, Greg, next time you weaponize cat litter, I’m bringing a hazmat suit.

Gregory

Oh, give me a break. The situation demanded a response. And besides, the bigger picture—

Amy

—is that AP’s gonna claim the Nobel Prize for turning litter into neutrinos. Congrats, AP. You’ve out-weirded Schrödinger’s cat.

Gregory

You’re impossible. I mean, truly, the poster child for chaos theory. And on that note, let’s wrap this up. AP, if you’re listening: Congratulations on the One Neutrino Universe. Just maybe stay out of the litter box next time, yeah?

Amy

And that’s all for today, folks! Science and cat poop—truly the combo we didn’t know we needed. Stay weird!